It’s that rosy, sugary, greeting-card-company-homage-paying time again. Treat your date to something different in the Barbie Dream Hearse!
(We’ll see how this rose wreath looks after I spend an hour hurtling down I-5.)
Ringing in the New Year with Barbie!
January 4th, 2012 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Events, Pictures, SeattleI had the pleasure of driving these decked-out revelers to an 80s-themed New Year’s Eve party at the EMP.
We were a bit early, so we hung out up front and welcomed the usual gawking from party-goers outside. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was a visit from the KOMO4 roaming reporter and cameraman. They started out by interviewing a couple of my customers, and I let them record the inside of the car, despite its lack of camera-readiness (as it would be anytime after I drive a big group of people around).
They didn’t ask me many specific questions, but seemed willing to film me until I stopped talking, so I gave the quick creation story and launched into my “Barbie doesn’t have to be tall, blond and fake anymore!” mantra. After they interviewed me, they took a bunch of shots of the hearse, ending with one of me pulling away. I always figure if something were to go wrong, it will happen on camera, so I was extra nervous. I even stopped at the end of the EMP driveway and came back to talk to the crew one more time to make sure they got everything they needed and humbly beseech them to shed my Barbie Dream Hearse in the best of light.
Then I hightailed it back to Capitol Hill to tell my friends the good news…. about being on the TV news. So far, all of the hearse-related coverage has been fantastic, but I’ve been burned by bad journalists pre-Barbie. The window of time between leaving the EMP and the airing of the news segment was a little nerve-racking, since the crew had enough footage to go either way. Luckily, the short segment was better than I could have hoped. They showed me, showed the car, named me, named the car, broadcast my brief glimmer of eloquence, and cut away with me driving off into the night.
Sadly, the story did not appear in web form and ran only once (to my knowledge) on the 11 o’clock news. Of course, almost all of my target demographic was out partying by then, but everyone I know over 40 saw it and thought it was a great piece!
(Part of) The Year in Review (Sort of)
January 3rd, 2012 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Driving, Events, PicturesHalloween has been the grand finale in the world Barbie in the past. With summer festivals long gone and spooky shindigs screeching to a halt, things usually die down as people start focusing on the holidays and making air travel plans. This year, folks continued making hearse travel plans as well, meaning I got to meet more fun people with the living, fun-loving guts to cruise around town in my one-of-a-kind hearse.
A picture in the Barbie Dream Hearse is worth at least a thousand words, and I don’t feel like typing that much, so I’m going to share some snapshots from the last few months and call it a night.
I turned on iPhone’s special “glowing eyes” camera feature for this birthday party shot near the Fremont Troll:
Just a random guy and his dolly we ran into (figuratively) while making a pit stop:
Just married:
Fifty years old and not giving a f*ck what her friends make her wear:
Barbie party girls:
Funeral directors preparing to get crazy:
Oh hi:
Come on, Barbie, let’s go party:
I happily ended the year with some nice folks and a short news segment, and I’m looking forward to another year of even more good times!
It’s All Abaht Customer Service
December 11th, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Maintenance, Yakkin'A letter I sent to the fine people at Brown Bear Car Wash:
Hi there, Brown Bear!
I visited your self-serve location on 15th Avenue last week to wash the Barbie Dream Hearse. I put $5 into the change machine to receive the equivalent amount in quarters, but instead I received $4.75 in US currency and the coin in this picture:
The coin was later identified by several of my more worldly friends as a Thai baht. It was so similar to the US quarter, I didn’t even notice it at first.
Baht wait, there’s more.
I attempted to insert it into the car wash machine and it was repeatedly returned to me. It was then that I realized what the mix-up was all a-baht. I was still able to wash my car thanks to your fine establishment, baht I would like inform you of the discrepancy between the scanner in your change machine and the scanner in your car wash machine.
Unfortunately, I did not fair too well from this error. According to the current exchange rate, 1 USD is approximately 31 baht. This means the non-quarter that I received from your change machine is worth roughly 16 cents.
In exchange for the 9 cents I was forced to give you, I am interested to know how one machine was able to read the foreign currency, baht the other wasn’t. If you can give me some insight abaht how this happened, I will drop my claim for monetary damages as well as the terrible puns.
Thank you!
Kat Taylor
Barbie Dream Hearse
Barbie Dream Idiosyncracies
December 5th, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Accessories, Yakkin'Got a new laptop and had to call tech support. We had to repair iTunes, and after we hit the splash screen…
“Are you Barbie Dream Phone?”
“Yes.”
“Ahahahahahaha…!”
“Well, see it’s named after my car…”
“…hahahaha!”
“Yeah, that doesn’t make it sound more normal, does it?”
Hearst World Problems
November 7th, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Cadillac, Cars, Driving, Events, Hearses, I'm A Jerk, Internet, Maintenance, SeattleTerrible injustices are taking place:
1. I found myself at the front of a four-car pile-up while driving my body shop’s loaner car. (I am not at fault.) Some say I was lucky not to have been driving the BDH when it happened. How is it lucky to be stuck in Everett for two hours while the police fill out paperwork?
2. I recently learned that the Russians sometimes transport their dead in buses. How do they decide who gets to sit up front?
3. I went to the Seattle Auto Show and there were no Cadillac Ciels for me to sit in. How have they not started building these damn cars?
4. It’s hearse, not hearst. How did you get through this post without calling, texting, and/or visiting me personally to tell me what a horrible mistake I made?
In Soviet Russia, Hearse Drivers Find YOU
November 3rd, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Hearses, Internet, Yakkin'Thanks to Google Translator and the Internet, I was able to receive and understand a fan letter all the way from Russia! (And it’s not even spam!) These pictures are from Victor, who works for a funeral company. Naturally, I had a million questions for him and don’t speak Russian, so we’ll see if I get a response. Either way, I’m happy to admire this lovely Cadi in its home across the pond!
Halloween Weekend Wrap-Up
November 1st, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Cadillac, Events, PicturesYes, there’s nothing quite like driving a custom hearse around town on Halloween. Even the grinchiest sugar busters manage to crack a smile when I drive by. Of course, people have been constantly telling me I “look ready for Halloween” even though I’m driving my normal car and wearing my normal clothes, but the misunderstanding is a small price to pay for the amount of fun I’m having driving Seattle’s finest eccentrics.
Kicking things off was an 80s retro Halloween wedding. First, I drove the bride’s party to Georgetown:
And came back for the groomsmen:
I also drove a scary cool lady and her date to the Bonanza Bash at the EMP:
When I pulled up, I saw a guy with a late model red Cadillac CTS, fully open and showcasing what I would guess was an after-market stereo. Sure, it was pimp… if you like doing things the easy way. Should circumstances compel me to retire Barbie in the next few years, I’m holding out for a Ciel. It’s the perfect combination of my favorite things: Cadillacs, convertibles, and things that no one else has.
Incidentally, my under carriage lights were in full effect nearly all weekend. They add a little something extra when I park, but I usually turn them off when driving because there’s still a law on the books against them. Sometimes I forget. Usually it’s no big deal, but this time I made it all the way to the highway with my blue lights flashing to the beat of my stereo. The reminder came when some drunk actually pulled over, mistaking me for some kind of old-school cop. Good times!
On Sunday, I drove a costume party to a fancy dinner in Kirkland. I managed to capture a small ninja who was otherwise hidden from view:
I celebrated the grand finale on Monday at the Neumos Halloween Party. They gave me a bunch of drink tickets to hand out at my discretion, just in case driving a hearse on Halloween didn’t attract enough attention. The weather was cold but clear, so I spent most of my time outside bullshitting and taking pictures of and with people in the hearse:
Haunted Nightmare Haunted House
October 28th, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Events, Pictures, Yakkin'Last night I stayed up north for awhile and checked out the Haunted Nightmare Haunted House in Bothell. I had a great time last year, and really enjoyed this year’s theme, “Boogie Nightmare!”
This year’s haunt started on a trail through the woods by the building, which felt scarier than the actual haunted house. One of the volunteers went with me as I was chased by ghouls, demons, and the regular scary outdoor stuff. (I am very much an “indoor Kat.”)
Once we got inside, we waited a bit while the fro-donning zombie I endearingly refer to as Disco Stu lumbered around. He and I had been talking outside earlier and he gave me hand-warmers, so it was kind of hard to be frightened by him. Further reducing my suspension of disbelief was hearing his voice on my companion’s walkie-talkie.
Him: “What’s Barbie Dream Hearse’s real name?”
Someone Else: “Kat.”
Us: (Laughter.)
So I walked through the haunted house in a small group, navigating twists and turns full of flourescent lights and 3-D figures, hearing someone shout my name and cackle every few seconds. At the end, there was a clever “Brady Bunch”-themed room where Alice the maid had all the kids’ severed heads on platters. It was better than all of their reunion specials combined.
Even though the thought of a Brady Bunch revival is more annoying than scary, I managed to let a real scream escape from me at one point. One of the zombie girls did an excellent job of pretending she was part of our group before she turned around and jumped at my face. I must admit I was more than startled. You win this time, zombie girl.
Coincidentally, the Alaskan Way Viaduct has been closed all week, diverting traffic to my regular route along I-5 and its nearby arterial roads. I have my fingers triple-crossed that it reopens early to ease everyone’s Halloween weekend travel times. That said, I’m glad to have been able to wait out my commute with a freaky little zombie and some living dead disco-pimps!
Adventures in Everett and Beyond
October 25th, 2011 by platkat | Comments Off | Filed in Driving, Events, Pictures, Yakkin'First, happy birthday to Holly, who is 21!
Second, even happier birthday because you’re going to the casino like a good girl!
Before the party, I went to Costco to gas up, and I encountered some of the employees talking about the car. They were gesturing and saying “BARBIE DREAM HEARSE” really loud within earshot, so I walked over and said they can just ask me if they have a question about the car. I never know if people are talking that way because they want my attention and don’t know how to get it, or if that’s just how they talk. Anyway, one thought it was a hearse, the other thought it was a limo. I thought they sounded a lot like Jessica and Ashlee Simpson in the Icebreakers Liquid Ice Commercial. I cleared up the confusion (or perhaps caused more) by stating that it was a limo-hearse, and walked in to buy 30 gallons of everything.
Then I went to Brown Bear and gave the attendant a tour. Since we were talking a whole bunch before my wash, we both got distracted. He forgot to tell me to put down my antenna… and I forgot to put down my antenna. Now I have another thing to add to my laundry list of things to do. I wouldn’t mind just removing it. The only good station on AM/FM radio is NPR, and I can stream that.
After I drove Holly and her friends, I stopped into Walmart for the novelty of it. The cashier said she saw me pull up and complimented the hearse, saying she’d like to buy one herself someday. I gave her the advice I give everyone (research research research!) while she tried to find the proper pricing code for my bundle of kale. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t ring up kale very often. In fact, I’m surprised Walmart had it in the first place.
Then I passed back over the Bridge of Doom in Marysville. Although I usually go a steady 50 mph for fuel efficiency, one whiff of that nasty sludge gets Barbie up to 75 in no time. There were actually workers on the bridge at 10pm inhaling that odor. As long as I see people doing this, I will never, ever complain about my job. Eek!
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